The "Smile"

Trust isn't ever just given, it's a special gift that one receives once they've proven themselves worthy. In this obstacle course called, "My Life", I find it very hard to pass out my trust...matter of fact, there's a piece of me that doesn't trust at all. Past experiences have taught me to guard my heart. I've perfected the art of "the smile". Even when I'm far from happy, I put "the smile" on my face and give the proverbial, "I'm ok."...that way, no one needs to delve any deeper into my world and know what's really going on. I'm the queen of cryptic status messages...I give just enough so you know something's wrong, but not enough to know exactly who or what caused it. Hell, I can't even tag certain people in my posts or post certain pictures because Lord only knows who will see and what drama will be caused... I've been burned so many times in my life, I'm not even afraid of fire anymore. Disappointment is a fact of life and expectations no longer exist. When you expect nothing, you're never disappointed when you get nothing. I keep, for the majority, my thoughts in my head because, I don't find them to be of any importance to others...so why speak on them? Things always get misconstrued. The truth always gets twisted. It kind of reminds of the telephone game we all played as a child... One person starts out saying one thing and by the time it reaches the end, it's something completely different. Life just continues to sucker punch me... In between this and that, I get a piece of good news but directly after, I'm kicked one more time by something that was completely off my radar. I'm left shaken and rattled, and left to pick up the pieces of my broken heart. No sooner do I digest what just happened when I'm hit with something else coming down the pike. It's like a non stop avalanche. One day, I'm not going to be able to duck and dodge the blows. I try my best. I do my best. I live by the golden rule and I feel like I'm penalized for being the "good one"... No one said life would be fair and honestly, I don't expect fair...I feel like I've been dealt a really bad poker hand...I'm just unfortunate enough where I can't trade in my cards for better ones...I play the cards I'm given and pray that they're enough to get me through to the next round...

One day, what I have to offer might be good enough......