As I sit here contemplating how the heck I'm going to pay my rent in the next seven days, it brings me to a topic I'd like to share.
Although I may sound cynical today (please, if you were in my shoes, I wouldn't blame you for your negative thoughts), I really do have all my faculties and know exactly what I'm talking about.
I recently spoke to a class about domestic violence. As I stood at the front of the class, I managed to catch myself off guard. The realization that I've been going through this nonsense with my kids father, for 13 plus years, is absolutely absurd. It's a never ending path of torture and torment. Let this be a lesson to all you young women out there who stay with an abusive man for love. I'm living proof that love only gets you so far. My situation is as bad as I think it can get. I say as bad as "I" because this literally is the worst. We've lived in a DV shelter but even at that point there was always a hope that things would get better. I had a means to support the kids and I. Today, I have NO means. There's no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. No miracle job that's waiting for me. No NOTHING. This is it.
I'm digressing a bit from the actual purpose of my post this morning. Finances and your future have a lot to do with the type of man that you choose to date/marry. If I had looked a little closer at my ex and not focused so much on "I LOVE HIM". I wouldn't be in this situation. So here I sit, in a state away from my family, forgetting my faith and holding resentment toward the man that put me here. I try not to stereotype individuals but I'm going to put myself out there right now and say, if you're with a man that will abuse you, chances are he'll be a deadbeat father. Very rarely does a man who abuses his woman, have enough common decency to take care of his children. If he'll beat you, degrade you and take your money, why would you believe that he'll give you that money back in order to support his children. Abusers are selfish. They don't think about their victims. Their victims being you and your children. He's thinking about what makes "HIM" comfortable. What meets "HIS" needs. His needs are for you to obey him. He wants to know where you are. When you'll be home. Why it took so long. He wants to know who called you. He's comfortable knowing that he's taken you away from your own life. He's alienated you from your friends and family. He even, in certain circumstances, has taken the love of your children from you. I'm still fighting for my children's respect. If I had a dollar for every time "HE" told them they didn't have to listen to me because I was a bitch, I wouldn't be sitting here days away from being evicted from my home.
All I'm trying to say is that there's so much more at stake than losing the love of a man. It hurts. The effects are never ending. I know we all want that fairy tale life but you have to be strong enough to see through the deception. If you sit and ask yourself if the drama is worth it, you've all ready answered your question by asking it. There's no amount of drama worth your life. A man that loves you won't degrade you. He won't hit you or walk all over you. Love is beautiful. He'll be kind and generous. He'll be loving and compassionate.
As I've said in the past, I'm on my journey to finding my relationship with God. I'd like to leave you with this...
Scripture says love others as you would love yourself. We women do not think we are worth loving so we become doormats so that we can gain acceptance. This only makes the man who has been taught to disrespect women all of his life all the worse in this behavior. It is like adding fuel to a fire already lit by his behavior. We women have to come to the realization that the ultimate Father in heaven does not want his little girls hurt and would not condone this kind of treatment so we must not condone it either.
"Forgive them Father for they know not what they do" (Luke 23:34)
“Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, For this is the whole duty of man. For God will bring every deed into judgment, Including every hidden thing, Whether it is good or evil. (Ecclesiastes 12:13-14)
