When I was younger, I wasn't necessarily the prettiest, cutest, most fashionable, skinniest or even somewhat popular girl. I remember growing up and listening to my brothers and sister call me names like, "Tons of Fun or Miss Piggy", obviously making reference to my weight. To make matters worse, growing up "poor", Mom and Dad didn't have enough money to buy us new clothes for school. So, in essence, I was the poorly dressed, fat girl in school. I never wore make up or did my hair. Not a great combination. I was only given reference in school because I was my brother's sister. I had one friend and for the majority, spent my "free time" in school, talking to my favorite Criminology teacher. I was never one to get in trouble because in order to get into trouble, one needed to have some type of social life, which I didn't. I always remember thinking I was invisible. I even, at one point, resigned myself to never being married or having kids. Boys never paid me any attention. Back then, fat white girls were NOT the thing. I'm not saying it to diss anyone, just speaking MY truth. I hated myself. I hated the way I looked. I hated the way I dressed. I hated everything about my life. I remember day dreaming about the day I'd find my Prince Charming and he wouldn't call me names and he wouldn't care that I was fat. However, reality always had a way of creeping in. The loneliness and solitude were always so unbearable. Who would ever want a girl like me?
Fast forward thirty years later...
It's funny how things change. That lonely fat girl with no hope of ever being noticed, turned into a woman who can't escape the eyes of admirers. I'm not one to pat myself on the back... I don't think I'm better or worse than anyone else. The one thing that kept me enclosed in my own misery is the thing that has made me desirable. Gone are the days of being called "Tons of Fun". The term "Miss Piggy" has been replaced with "Curvy, Thick, Gorgeous, Beautiful, and Stunning". I have absolutely no problem getting attention. I can walk out of my house wearing nothing more than a pair of shorts and a tank top and have some random person either asking for my number or wanting to give me theirs. However, Lord only knows, I will probably never see what others see when they look at me. I always knew it was going to take a very special man to chip away at my flaws to reveal the woman I really am.
Fast forward to my reality...
All the attention in the world doesn't mean a thing unless it's from the one person who means it. Being pretty is ok but being loved is what I want. I don't need a contact list a mile long because most men see just a pretty face or curves. No one wanted to delve deeper to see who I was on the inside. That once fat girl has turned into a woman who tries to see the glass as half full. She sees the good in everyone, although her eyes may be clouded. She gives her heart to those who appreciate it, loves without boundaries, and wants nothing but someone to understand her in return.
Time has a way of changing everything....
