Since I'm snowed in and feeling some kind of way tonight, I need to set the record straight.
My actions lead people to believe that I'm some kind of emotionally lost individual. When things bother me, instead of keeping them inside, I let them out. My outlet is writing. In writing about my feelings, certain people look at me as if I'm unstable. They couldn't be further from the truth. I stay inside my mind so much, the only way to sort some of the nonsense out, is to write. I put it all on paper so I can sit back and actually read the words out loud instead of just listening to them inside my head. I'm not weak. I'm not fragile. I'm not crazy...nor am I overly emotional. I'm me. I'm a thinker. I'm analytical. I process, digest and compartmentalize everything. I go into social overload sometimes the chaos that I see in the world disturbs be to a point where I can't file everything quick enough. I become overwhelmed with thoughts. As of late, I'm tired. I'm frustrated. I'm uneasy and unsettled. Things aren't the way I want them to be. I'm not content. Things have become nonsensical. The buffoonery is so outrageous that I can't do anything but shake my head. I second guess myself. Maybe I WAS raised the wrong way. I don't get life.
I don't like nonsense and chaos. I have OCD. I'd rather stay home and deal with MY problems than entertain the utter stupidity that gets shot my way. Lately, my inbox is blown up with men wanting everything from conversation to pictures. There's soooo much, I don't even bother to open the messages because I'm over it all. I've retreated to recesses of my mind and have blocked out everything. I'm not about the kind of life that's out there. It seems like everyone is after some kind of debauchery and old fashioned is a thing of the past. I want what I want... why the hell am I struggling so hard to get it?
I want to yell, flag on the play! Personal Foul! Fifteen yard penalty! Jump ball! Something. Anything. Time out. Stop. Put the brakes on. WTF?!?!?
I can't finish my thoughts. I'm just ready to be done with all this foolishness. I know we all have our own definitions of normal but I want MY normal :(
She's eventually going to get tired and quit.
