As little girls we grow up with a vision of how we want our lives to be. Most of us envision falling in love, getting married, buying the beautiful house with the pickett fence, having our babies and then living happily ever after. We look for that man who will love us unconditionally, be kind and generous...by all definitions the man the bible describes.
Ephesians 5:22, 28-31. "Wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, even as Christ is head of the church; and he is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject to Christ, so let wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wife as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it . . . So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church . . . For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh".
So what happens when falling in love doesn't lead to all those beautiful and amazing things? What happens when the man that's suppose to protect you is the one that makes you feel less than human?
For the longest time I thought I did something wrong. I would sit for hours upon hours, disect every memorable moment in my life and wonder was it that particular moment that caused this to happen to me. Why was I being punished? Now that I've been removed from the situation I can sit here and say, "I DID NOTHING TO DESERVE IT!!" It wasn't me. It was him. He's to blame for treating me badly. I was his wife. The mother of his children. He failed me. The only thing I was guilty of was falling in love with a jealous and controlling man. I learned very quickly that once I said the words outloud, it was much easier to believe. It reminds me of an alcoholics 12 step treatment program. The first step is admitting you're an alcoholic. As a domestic violence survivor, admitting you were in fact a victim is the first step to surviving the abuse.
I was in denial for a very long time. I found myself rationalizing. I'm not a victim. I choose to stay in this marriage (for reason I'll later explain). There came a point when I would fight back. How am I a victim if I'm fighting back? I'm not a victim. I let him do these things to me. I let him say mean things to me. I let him take all my money. I let him in the front door when he came home drunk and high. I let him dehumanize me. How does that make me a victim? I'll tell you why. As victims, we fail to see how traumatized we are. A traumatized mind makes traumatized decisions. Unless we remove ourselves from these unhealthy situations we continue to make the same traumatized decisions...over and over again.
One of the reasons I've decided to create this blog for other domestic violence victims is because listening to someone else's story helped me heal myself. Knowing that I wasn't alone and knowing that I wasn't the only one feeling confused and scared turned my life around. We as women need to realize that we deserve so much more than what we settle for. We deserve to find our prince charming. We deserve to have a man that loves us as Christ loved the church. We deserve to fall in love, have our beautiful house with the pickett fence but most of all, our babies deserve to live in a home filled with love, kindness and understanding.
Throughout my daily blogs you'll see references to Christ, God and the bible. I'm on a journey of discovering the person God created me to be. During my journey I've found resources that have helped me on my way. The following is something that I found very interesting,
"When an abused woman does ask the church for help, it is important to remember that God has always asked people of strength to come to the assistance of those who are weak and oppressed. (Ezek. 34:4).
The woman who passively allows her husband to abuse her may be sincerely trying to be obedient to the principles of (1 Peter 3:1-6). Or she may have the belief that to report the abuse would result in even greater endangerment to her or her children. In either case, it needs to be realized that Peter was asking women for a certain kind of submission. Peter was calling for the kind of Godly submission that has the husband being the servant leader God made him to be. Peter's intent was NOT to help abusive husbands indulge even more in the childish lust for power and sick control that Jesus condemned. (Mark 10:42-43; 1 Pet. 3:7) (Steinman, 2010)."
Be blessed!
Steinman, D. (2010). Answers2Prayers. Retrieved from: http://www.answers2prayer.org/bible_questions/Answers/marriage/battered.html
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