What Children Want

I was awake most of the night thinking about my kids and how I still feel that I let them down because I didn't leave their father soon enough.  In keeping with my therapist's wishes, I try to downplay my guilt because I was traumatized.  In his words, a traumatized woman thinks with a traumatized mind. Of course this only works for so long.  Guilt will make the strongest individual fall to their knees and quit.  Sometimes it's so hard to sit here, miles away from my family and say I made the right decision.  Don't get me wrong, I love my new found friends and family...I have some of the best in Charlotte :o) My church is amazing and so giving, and even the strangers I've encountered have blessed me beyond words.  However, my invisible enemy, guilt, won't let me be.
In order to keep myself from falling to my knees yet again, I've come up with a small list of what children want and don't want.  For all you woman who struggle with the decisions you made and wonder if they were the rights ones for you and your family, please pay close attention.

Children want happiness
Children want safety
Children want support
Children want love
Children want kindness
Children want time on mommy's lap
Children want hugs and kisses goodnight
Children want a mommy and not a best friend
Children want to live in peace
Children want to be heard
Children want comfort
Children want understanding
Children want to know that their mommy is safe
Children want to live free of fear
Children want honesty
Children want approval
Children want acceptance
Children want fairness
Children want praise

Most of all, children would rather live a lifetime in poverty then live one day without their mommy.

The last one resonates with me constantly. I see it everyday with my children.  We don't have the things we used to. They don't have the best toys or the nicest clothes.  They don't have a big house and we don't drive a fancy car. However, if you ask them what they want, it's not a bigger tv or the latest toy.  They want their mommy.  They want me to tuck them in at night, tell them I love them and kiss them on their eyes, nose, mouth cheeks, forehead and ears :o) They want mommy to say their bedtime prayer with them and kiss all their stuffed animal friends before I leave their bedroom.  They want their mommy to fix their cereal for breakfast and take them to the park in the afternoon.  They want mommy to kiss their boo boos and high five them when they bring home passing grades. 

So before you beat yourself up about the decision to leave...or you have guilt about barely having enough money for bills...look at your beautiful children and think about what they really want.  They want you. If you stayed in your abusive relationship, chances are they wouldn't have you for very long. 

I'd like to leave you with these little thoughts

(Psalm 127:3-5) Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

(John 16:21) When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world.

(Matthew 18:1-3)  At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

(Proverbs 22:6) Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.