I Heard it Through the Grapevine

I know it's been a while since my last post but there have been so many wonderful and amazing things happening in my life; all of which have left me a bit overwhelmed and almost ADHD like :o)

The reason for my post this evening is because I heard some news that stirred some pretty crazy emotions in me.  I thought for sure I'd be jumping up and down and doing all kinds of weird dance moves (I have the mental image of Elaine on Seinfeld dancing in the elevator), on the contrary, I feel a bit down.

 

I received a phone call today and was told my ex-husband was sentenced to one and a half to four years in prison and is currently on his was to Downstate Correctional Facility in NY.  Part of me can't help but smile because he finally got what he deserved.  He single handedly tortured, abused, neglected, and traumatized 3 woman and it's about darn time NY State finally smartened up and put some kind of end to his abuse.  It's about time he realizes it's against the law to violate a woman.  When most of us think about the word violate, we think of the worst crimes that can be inflicted on a woman...physical, emotional, verbal, mental and sexual...all of which I suffered at the hands of the man that promised to love, honor and cherish me.

I thought for sure the news would have made me happy and would have lifted this huge burden off my shoulders but the earth didn't move my emotions nor did the news make me feel any better.  If anything, it stirred all the feelings of sorrow and sympathy I wrestle with daily.  Not sorrow and sympathy for him but for his children; my children and his adult children.  I can’t help but think about these eight beautiful, smart, funny and talented children who didn’t get the perfect family.  I feel so much sorrow because they all deserved to have the best dad that God could have given them.  They deserved bedtime kisses and sober fishing trips.  The girls deserved to have their "daddy" walk them down the aisle (when the time came) and the boys deserved a sober and proud father at their sporting events. My babies will never know what it's like to make Father's Day cards and Jaliyah will never have her "daddy" at Father/Daughter dances.  My boys won't have a positive role model to show them how to grow up to be men and my daughters won't have the luxury of saying "I want my husband to be just like my dad".  One of my most proud moments as a mother will be when my oldest daughter graduates in 4 months.  In a perfect world, that moment would be shared with mom, dad, grandpa and grandma; however, that's not the case. As in the past, there's someone missing from the storybook finish.  There was always someone missing.

It’s nights like this where I need to separate myself from the past and look straight ahead toward the future.  When I go to sleep tonight, I'll say an extra prayer for 8 amazing souls.  I'll pray that God gives them the strength to learn from his mistakes. I'll pray that they realize their storybook finish can be rewritten and it's okay to omit certain chapters.  Most of all, I pray that they realize how much they're loved and if they hold onto that love, it will carry them to the most amazing places.

As for me, I'll lay my head down tonight and sleep a little more peacefully.  I’ll close my eyes knowing this wasn’t all for nothing.