Domestic Abuse, Divorce and Religion

After having a conversation with a friend of mine, I've decided to write a little bit about the topic of domestic abuse, divorce and religion.  The religious woman whose spirit is being crushed by domestic violence is faced with a unique burden. Although she faces the same issues that other victims face, she also faces religious or biblical concerns.  These concerns make it difficult to admit there's an issue and more times than not she fears eternal condemnation. So what is she to do? Well let me be the first to tell you. 

When faced with my own dilemma, I researched the topic online and read every scripture available to find the answer.  The Bible can be a very scary place when you're a woman in a abusive situation.  I came across scriptures such as this...

we should submit to our husband as unto Christ (Eph. 5:22,24; Col. 3:18), even where our husband is not acting in a Christ-like manner (1 Pet. 3:1) our body no longer belongs to us but to our husband - what right do we therefore have to object to his treatment of it/us? (1 Cor. 7:4) 

What?!? I have to submit even if my husband isn't acting in a Christ-like manner??  Does this mean when he comes home drunk and wants "marital relations" I have to submit? What if he forces himself on me? I still have to submit? The behavior definitely isn't Christ-like.  What if I don't have dinner done in time and he slams me up against the wall? Do I still have to submit? Being physically abusive definitely isn't Christ-like.  No wonder women get so confused and don't know what to do.  If you follow the Word and it's telling you to submit, what in the world do you do? If the previous scripture isn't enough to scare the living daylights out of you, here's another one that won't make you feel any better. It's well noted in the bible that God hated divorce. 
Malachi 2:16: “I hate divorce, says the LORD God of Israel.” According to the bible, marriage is a lifetime commitment. “So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate” (Matthew 19:6).

(Thank you Pastor Scott for our conversation today)

We believe that "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." (1 Cor. 10:13), and hence that no matter how hard the abuse, we can bear it and it is a lack of faith to give up and escape it, but God will find the solution and end it. I can go on for hours...there are dozens of scriptures just like this.

So where does that leave those of us in situations that are unhealthy and abusive/violent? Many people believe that the Bible does not deal with the issues of violence and abuse, that domestic violence is a modern problem and therefore God is silent on it in Scripture. Yet human nature does not change with time, and while the Lord condemned violence and offered hope and comfort to the oppressed 2000 years ago, His words are just as current now as they were in the time of Jesus.

The following are some scriptures that I've found that address the issues of violence and those who use it.

Psalms 11:5 The LORD trieth the righteous: but the wicked and him that loveth violence his soul hateth.

Zephaniah 1:9 In the same day also will I punish all those that leap on the threshold, which fill their masters' houses with violence and deceit.

Psalms 37:9 For evildoers shall be cut off: but those that wait upon the LORD, they shall inherit the earth.

This last one is one of my favorites...

(Ephesians 5:25-27) Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

When we think of Christ’s sacrifice for the church we immediately think about the cross. He died for us.  He had so much love in his heart and soul that he sacrificed himself for the love of church... and the love of mankind. I ask you this question...If your husband is beating you, humiliating you, verbally and emotionally abusing you...does he love you as Christ loved the church?  We all know the answer...No. The answer is as simple as that. No.

I may be wrong but I'm going to put my own spin on the topic.  We live in a world full of modern rules and laws. Divorce today is much different than divorce in biblical days.  When a man wanted to divorce his wife in biblical times, did he pay an attorney a retainer fee, go to court, fight over marital property, split the cost of the kids health insurance and pay child support? I don't think so.  Once a man abuses his wife, in my opinion, all bets are off.  He violated one of the most cherished and sacred relationships... the relationship between a husband and wife.  Divorce or no divorce...it's over...finished...put a period at the end. He gets no second chance. His second chance could be your last chance....

Let me leave with this...I call them the golden rules of the Bible :o)

Christ has called us unto Peace, not fear, he has called us to follow his example of serving one another, not dominating each other, he has called us to Truth, not to deceit and hypocrisy. Christ has called us to Love, not to abuse...

Eph. 4:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

Romans 12:10 Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;

Colossians 3:12,13 Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.

2 Peter 1:7 And to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity.

Matthew 18:33 Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee?

Romans 12:18 If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.

Romans 14:19 Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another.

2 Corinthians 13:11 Finally, brethren, farewell. Be perfect, be of good comfort, be of one mind, live in peace; and the God of love and peace shall be with you.

I'm not a religious expert...my relationship with God and Christ began a short 6 months ago. However, I do know that there is no greater love than the love of Christ... When we open our hearts to the pure love of Christ we can fully understand what it truly means to love and be loved.

Before you make the decision to stay in an abusive relationship because you think that's what is commanded of you in the Bible, ask yourself this....Is my experience within this relationship what God intended for me?  Is being fearful in our marriage an aspect of love?



No Place for Abuse - Biblical and Practical Resources to Counteract Domestic Violence , by Catherine Clark Kroeger & Nancy Nason-Clark, InterVarsity Press, Illinois